“How did you get so old? Was it all at once, in a day, or did you peter out bit by bit? When did you stop having parties? Did everyone else get old too, or was it just you? Are other people still here, hiding in the palm trees or holding their breath underwater? When did you last swim your laps? Do your bones hurt? Did you know this was coming and hide that you knew, or did it ambush you from behind?”

Goon: a bully or thug, especially one hired to terrorize. Time is a goon. Just yesterday, I was in kindergarten. Graduation was nowhere on my mind. In fact, being anywhere near the age of eighteen was untouchable, part of a completely different universe. Today, I anxiously await graduation and feel butterflies thinking about college in the fall. Tomorrow, I will be eighty watching my own grandkids grow up and walk proudly to receive their diplomas wondering how I’ve become an old woman, losing my youth, but gaining a whole lifetime. Characters in Jenifer Egan’s A Visit From the Goon Squad similarly experience the effects of time.
Time changes people. When Sasha’s uncle unexpectedly finds her, he barely recognizes her. The little girl he knew years ago is not the same as the woman standing in front of him. She is independent, living on her own, and fully grown up.
Scotty and Bennie also barely recognize each other when Scotty visits Bennie at his office. The old band mates are not the same men that toured together in the past. Bennie became a producer, completely immersed in a more luxurious life, while Scotty lives a more relaxed life. He shows this when he offers a raw fish to Bennie at his office.
Alex reflects on the man he used to be when remembering Sasha. He looks at these memories like those of a man he used to know. He remembers how he used to go on multiple dates, but never really settled down. He must somewhat miss this now lost part of himself as he feels excitement at the thought of maybe actually seeing Sasha at her apartment again.
All of these characters must accept changes in their own lives and in others’ lives. Egan shows time’s rule through flashbacks and flash forwards all throughout her novel. She gives the reader glimpses into characters’ stories at many different moments in time and from an array of different perspectives. Each chapter displays the changes time forces on character’s personalities and relationships with others.
Time is a goon. It takes away and gives relationships and wrinkles, all while pushing people to become new versions of themselves. No one can hide from it. I cannot stop myself from growing up or going to college, no matter how much I want to stay my present age forever. Some of people I know today in high school will be completely unrecognizable in ten or maybe even four years. Fully aware of time’s tyranny over us, we all must keep trudging on, hoping that the person we are tomorrow is even better than the person we are today.

If only Catherine would have initially followed her heart and married Heathcliff instead of marrying Edgar Linton for his money. There would be no heartbreak, no harsh feelings or soft, kind hearts turning to stone. Young Catherine and Linton would not have to live terrified of Heathcliff’s tyranny and vengeful plans. Heathcliff wouldn’t waste his life wishing for lost love and I, the reader, would find satisfaction in telling the version of the story I want to be told.

Without these important plot points, however, Wuthering Heights would not be the highly commended work of literature that it is; in fact, it wouldn’t be much of a novel at all. Emily Brontë spent hours upon hours writing, revising, and rewriting each scene in this novel, carefully crafting each character and event. She tells exactly the story she intends every time a new reader opens her book. This novel will always be her story to tell, and only mine to listen to and appreciate.

In all the blogs I write, I seem to criticize the novels I read. Perhaps I do this because required readings don’t pull me in like Percy Jackson did when I was in sixth grade making me completely lose myself in its pages, racing to read the last few sentences at three in the morning. I find myself wanting every novel to be impossible to put down. Just like ice cream flavors though, each book has a different taste; some flavors are light and fresh allowing for easy enjoyment and some flavors are more intense, requiring an acquired, more refined palate. Each unique flavor, however, has something to offer; some just require more tries to understand than others.
I could never even imagine writing a whole novel, especially one of literary merit. As a result, I don’t think I have any place in criticizing Emily Brontë (of really any other author I have read this year) even though her novel was not my favorite read, so here is a short list of elements from Wuthering Heights that I found enjoyable.
-switching between Nelly’s account of the past and Lockwood’s account of the present

-use of dates to give reader an actual sense of time and help aid in clear transitions from past to present

-the double use of names such as Catherine and Linton

– Heathcliff’s insisting on opening Catherine’s dusty, old coffin and then the image of being buried next to her when he dies

“It is impossible that a person should die for the love of a stranger.”

As soon as I read this quotation from chapter 22 of Wuthering Heights, I folded over the top corner of the page marking it in the moment as important. Most of the time when I look back at my highlights they don’t make sense or they no longer hold relevance as I’ve read further into the plot. This quotation, however, still stood out to me when I reread it. Although Nelly says it’s impossible that a person would die for a stranger, soldiers die for countries full of strangers everyday. Her words of disbelief to Catherine reflect the selfish and self-centered nature of the characters in this novel.

Firstly, Catherine makes the decision to marry Edgar Linton instead of Heathcliff. Instead of actually following her heart and marrying the man she actually loves, she selfishly marries the man with the most money. This decision causes all three characters unhappiness, as Catherine and Heathcliff cannot bear to be separate and Edgar Linton does not receive the love from his wife that a husband should.
Edgar Linton also acts selfishly by holding a grudge to Heathcliff and not allowing his daughter to converse or relate to his relatives at all. He is also so caught up in the memory of his wife that he refuses to celebrate his own daughter’s birthday. He also refuses to let Catherine see Linton even though she obviously loves him.
Heathcliff, on the other hand, encourages the union of Catherine and Linton. He does this out of greed and revenge, however; not because he truly cares about the pair’s feelings. Heathcliff also selfishly makes vengeful plans on the other characters because of his youth and lost love with Catherine.
I think throughout the rest of this novel, the idea of selfishness and self-made power will continue to be apparent, as Heathcliff’s plans successfully unravel and characters keep driving the plot by choosing their own self-interest over others.

For reference, I just finished chapter 14 of Wuthering Heights, so I’m about a third of the way through the novel and a couple chapters behind where I should be in the reading according to the schedule (yikes).
I also told myself before starting this novel that I would attempt to write a blog post every ten chapters, so I’m a little behind in that too. I believe the novel’s lack of action is why I’m behind in reading and blog posts both, because I just don’t have very much to say yet. So far, I’ve found it difficult to pick up Wuthering Heights and get through a chapter without my mind wandering off or completely losing focus. The chapters so far have just been exposition, which gives the plot a very slow feel. I would say this exposition is necessary, however, as it gives me time to decipher each character’s unique identity and sets up Nelly’s narration. It also reveals character’s relationships with each other and themselves like Heathcliff, Catherine, and Edgar, which I think is going to be essential to the overall meaning of the work.
Even though this novel was not the one I voted to read and so far hasn’t been the most exciting read, just its exposition is definitely better than some of the other novels we’ve read this year (Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? or Song of Solomon). I have high hopes that Emily Brontë will bring more action and intrigue as I read the next ten chapters, hopefully inspiring my next blog post to be more insightful and less full of nothingness than this one.

“for people bought and sold houses the way they bought and sold stocks, and every year someone was moving out and someone was moving in, and now all these doors from who knows where were opening.”

We are constantly told to follow our dreams and become exactly who we want to be. As I graduate high school, I am expected to live up to this statement by choosing exactly the major, college, internship, and job I desire. I could be a doctor or an artist, go to school in Ashland or study abroad in Spain. The possibilities are truly endless. I could spend my whole life chasing precisely who I want to be, trying to relive each moment over and over, pinpointing exactly what decisions give the best outcomes.

In a world full of endless possibilities, doors that can take them across the world in an instant, Saeed and Nadia in Mohsin Hamid’s Exit West find themselves trying to flee their own country teeming with tension and conflict in hopes of a better life together. Despite their hopes, the pair travels to multiple places only finding that they too are full of unrest. What the couple desires and the reality of what they find destroys their relationship, each new door drives them further apart until they entirely separate. In separation, Saeed and Nadia realize the life they were searching for was already found even before they leave their home country and step through the door.

We will never be content with where we are. We may settle for our childhood hometown, for the biggest house we can afford, or for the best available partner, but deep down we will always try to escape, always chasing something more, never knowing whether or not the present moment is the best it will get.

“it seemed to her that she too had migrated, that everyone migrates, even if we stay in the same houses our whole lives, because we can’t help it. We are all migrants through time.”

Even including Song of Solomon, Edward Albee’s play Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is definitely my least favorite read of the year so far. I thought Song of Solomon‘s literary message was hard to interpret and couldn’t quite understand its overall message, but at least it had a crazy plot that somewhat held my attention. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? also has a wild, unconventional plot, but because I was unable to see through the characters’ drunkenness, foul language, and inappropriate gestures, I found it impossible to follow the events throughout the play. In particular, I puzzled over a song line the characters repeat over and over: “Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf.” I kept wondering, why Virginia Woolf?

Virginia Woolf was a modernist writer, who wrote classics like Mrs. Dalloway and To the Lighthouse. Her works investigate true human consciences and the reality of human relationships. She also focused on controversial issues such as feminism and mental illness. From the outside, her life seemed successful, as she was considered an influential writer in her time. Inside, however, her emotions steadily declined. Her depression, ultimately, led her to commit suicide in the spring of 1941.

George and Martha also have seemingly successful lives, as Martha comes from a prosperous family and George works at a local university. The couples’ true state of mind, however, is revealed when the pair escapes reality through drinking. Because she cannot have kids, Martha and George invent a son. They keep him a secret from outside people, but use his “existence” as a temporary escape from their childless lives. At the end of the night, George announces that their son is dead. His “death” means that Martha will now have to fully embrace the reality of her life.

Learning more about Virginia Woolf allowed me to unravel a possible message to this seemingly meaningless play. Her talent in capturing intricate human thought and her suicide, along with watching one night with George and Martha show me that we, as humans, would rather find escape in our hopes and dreams than face reality.

“What would she have done if she’d been in that situation? Mrs. Richardson would ask herself this question over and over, before Michael’s call and for weeks— and months— after. Each time, faced with this impossible choice, she came to the same conclusion. I would have never let myself get into that situation, she told herself. I would have made better choices along the way.”

I quietly sit at my desk as my classmates debate who should have the rights to raising little Mirabelle McCullough, or formerly May Ling Chow: Mrs. McCullough or Bebe Chow. Talk of culture, mother-daughter relationships, and societal class bounce with slight ferocity back and forth across the classroom. I try to decide whose side I’m on, but with each new point my peers bring up my mind finds it harder and harder to even lean towards one side or the other.

Just like Mrs. Richardson does with Mia, I imagine myself in Bebe’s shoes. Her desperation to reclaim her own child draws me close to her, yet her decision to leave May Ling out in the cold alone pushes me away. I grasp onto Mrs. McCullough’s longing for her a child of her own and her clear ability to more than provide for such a child. My thoughts then think of the out of place Chinese paintings on the McCullough’s walls and their intentional addition of rice to their diet that as she grows older will only show Mirabelle the differences her and her parents possess. I think of Mirabelle herself probably cognizant of her two names and eventually aware that her biological mother tried to regain custody of her at six months old, and I become aware of the hole in her life only her true mother could fill.

Unable to form a concrete opinion, my thoughts remind me that baby Mirabelle May Ling McCullough Chow is just a fictional character, a few words Celeste Ng precisely placed within the plot of Little Fires Everywhere to provoke readers and draw them into her novel. One baby girl, even with an incomplete existence, helps weave together and reveal Ng’s message.

In the end, my final opinion sleeps in the arms of Bebe Chow: untraceably silent and content, exactly where she belongs.

“I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him.” -Song of Solomon 3:2

Oak Island, 2008. My grandma gently wakes me up just before sunrise. I spring out of bed, ready to take on the day’s first activity. I get ready and tiptoe down to the back deck where my Grandma waits for me. Yellow orange streaks paint the once starry sky and almost silent waves brush the shore. My eyes dart to the damp sand where the night’s high tide dropped an abundance of the sea’s treasures. I race down to scour the shoreline, my mind on only one thing: a fully intact conch shell.

Just like as a 6 year old, I hunted for a specific seashell, Hagar in Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon searches for only Milkman’s love. She becomes so desperate for his attention that she repeatedly “attempts” to kill him and loses who she is as a person. She ultimately values Milkman’s love over her own life and ends up dying.

Pilate also searches for one thing: answers to her father’s post grave appearance. Already belly button less, she alienates herself from the rest of society. Pilate knows she is different and gives up relationships in fear that others won’t accept her true self. When she finally does find out her true life story, she dies.

Guitar searches for justice. As part of the seven days, Guitar kills a person for every black person that is killed. The act of killing as payment is obviously unmoral, but because Guitar obsesses over the idea of justice his morals skew and he thinks a life for a life is fair punishment. He also feels wronged when Milkman searches for the gold without him. Because he feels cheated, Guitar ends up killing Milkman. He chooses to give up his best friend, who is worth more than any gold, in an act of what he feels is necessary justice.

Before his assumed death, Milkman searches for the gold his father and Pilate also dream of. He becomes so obsessed with finding the gold he sneaks off to multiple towns, leaving his own family and Hagar behind. With his full attention on the gold, Hagar feels abandoned and dies. Guitar also gets offended that Milkman did not invite him to find the gold. The loss of this friendship then leads to Milkman’s death. Milkman never finds any gold, but does end up losing the most precious gift he already possesses: his own life.

I spent much of my childhood wistfully consumed with the hope of finding something spectacular: rare shells, dinosaur bones in my backyard, proof of fairy existence, and small specks of gold in driveway rocks. Driven fully by this hope, I spent hours upon hours hunting, always saying “just ten more minutes” or “just one more rock flip.” I couldn’t let myself walk away with the possibility of a great discovery just a second away. All the time I dedicated to searching almost always resulted in absolutely no profit; I never did find a T-Rex skeleton or a gold nugget. Similarly, the character’s in Song of Solomon never find what they seek. Three of them end up losing their lives and one ends up sacrificing his best friend. My own experience along with the character’s in Song of Solomon show that obsessively searching for one specific treasure forces the loss of even greater riches.

Does Briony Tallis atone for her crime?

To answer this question first, readers must look at the dictionary definition of the word atonement, which the Merrism-Webster dictionary defines as “reparation for an offense or injury.” In Ian McEwan’s novel Atonement, Briony’s crime clearly presents itself as the “offense or injury” needing atoned for. The reader follows her as she forces innocent Robbie into jail and separates her sister from him. Robbie and Cecilia end up dying in the war. Briony’s crime follows her through her whole life. She attempts “reparation” for her sin by imagining what could have been if her sister and Robbie lived and bringing their love back to life in her draft.

Secondly to answer this question, readers must look at what the dictionary offers as a second definition for the word atonement: the word satisfaction. Even though Briony allows Robbie and Cecilia to have a second chance at love in her novel, they are not physically alive. They cannot give Briony the forgiveness she seeks, leaving her ultimately unsatisfied. As a writer, she knows this and does not even include the couple’s forgiveness in her draft.

In conclusion, the only person Briony atones for is the reader. She creates a fictional ending that satisfies her imagination and the reader’s need for a whole, complete story. The story that she tells, however, does not atone for her actual crime. Robbie and Cecilia die in reality, making it impossible for them to forgive her. Because the only place the pair can offer her forgiveness is in the pages of her fictional draft, Briony can never find complete satisfaction, making full atonement for her offense unattainable.

“It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. The attempt was all.” -Briony Tallis

For you, a thousand times over.

I would undoubtedly die for my sister, not just because I love her, but because of what she has done for me. Even though I wish I could, I honestly can’t 100% commit and say I would do the same for my best friend. In contrast, Hassan in Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner sacrifices himself countless times for his best friend Amir even though Amir does not think he would do the same for him. The pair’s relationship along with others show that only the gift of unconditional love is strong enough to pay off an indebted conscience.

Soraya is a rebel in her community, as in her past she lived with a man before marriage. This affects her ability to find a husband and causes her community looks down upon her. She loses hope and lets her past actions and guilty conscience lead her life. When she tells Amir her story, she thinks for sure that he will no longer want to marry her. To her surprise though, Amir accepts her for who she is and unconditionally loves her. Her guilt is finally relieved.

Baba lives his daily life with the reminder of his sin, as his “servant boy” Hassan is actually the result of an illegitimate relationship. In order to atone for his sins, he treats Hassan just like Amir his known son. He sometimes even treats Hassan better than Amir. He even offers forgiveness to him for lying, which he considers to be the worst sin. His unconditional love for Hassan helps him cope with the guilt from his past.

Hassan repeatedly shows his love for Amir: he runs kites for him, saves him from other boys in their neighborhood, lies for him, listens to all his stories, and later even tells his son all about him. Amir may seem to love Hassan just as much at first, but we quickly see that his love is not unconditional. Amir supports Hassan and kindles his love for books, but only does this in private. He also always spends his free time with him, but always alone, never with the other boys in the community. Because of social standards, Amir feels that he must somewhat hide their relationship and never finds the courage to stand up for his friend. He even is jealous of Hassan’s relationship with Baba. Amir lives with this guilt for a large part of his life until he finds atonement in Hassan’s son Sohrab.

Guilt causes people to show love they would not have otherwise shown. Amir’s past allows him to understand Soraya’s story and love her despite her previous choices. Baba’s sin causes him to love his illegitimate son and Amir’s indebtment to Hassan leads to Sohrab’s rescue. Everything my own sister has done for me leaves me forever indebted to her. Only a few special people exist in this world who truly show unconditional love not as the result of guilt or past debt, but rather just because they possess a compassionate heart. Hassan is one of these people, giving his all to the undeserving Amir. I want to be just like him.